Times, They are a Changin'

Today was the last official work day for Michelle and I together at Koke Mill. Michelle has been my clinic coordinator most of the time I have been at The Mill. She has been wonderful at her job, but more than that, she has become one of my closest and dearest friends. That will not change, but it is still hard. She made my days brighter. She helped carry the burden of a long list of things to do and her gifts blended so very well with mine. We will always be friends. Forever, here and beyond. I hope when we are two old ladies we will still be laughing and talking for hours. You must hold on tight to special people in your life and we will do that. Our husbands joke about our grief about this parting, it was a change, a small one in the big scope of things, but still a change, and it is still painful to be parted from such a dear, dear friend.

I have had a lot of change in the last five or six years. Change that freed me from a horrible place and made me grow. Mark left us to go to Chicago and I took the helm as leader of our pediatric feeding team. I cried the day I had to sit in his chair. I sat there panicked thinking how would I ever fill his role, he was our MD. I felt like I was on the trapeze without a net. I was shaking in my shoes. But, it was time, he gave me the gift of his knowledge and I had done the same for him. He took my influence to his clinics in Chicago and I continued to build on what he (and Luke) taught me. Our gifts were doubled that way and we were able to reach more children than before. I have learned a great deal from my Michelle. She and I were the same way, sharing talents, gifts, insight and interpersonal skills and now she is going on to Jacksonville to do amazing things for Dr Lillpop's office.

But still, I just miss my friend.

Why do I like the familiar so much? Why do I sometimes cling to the known and resist the next chapter in my life? If I don't turn the next page, who knows what I could miss. I certainly would not have the clinic at Koke if I had been afraid of change. I have been pretty brave professionally, although it is the change that tugs the heartstrings that hurts me the most. I feel it more acutely in this season of my life. My parents are growing older and so are Randy and I. I see changes in the mirror and feel time creeping up on me. Luke is going to be 17 and our boy will go to college before we know it. Life will shift and change will come again.

At times, I fear the future, growing old, loss and grief that comes to us all over the years, thinking of how I will die. But then I remember that my days are appointed to me and God is in control when I don't know the road ahead. I just have to hold His hand and trust my Abba to do lead me where I should go. I am excited for Michelle and I hope that this new job will give her so many wonderful opportunities and happy days. I will drown my sorrows with diet Polar Pops, carrot sticks and celery and swear off Orange Grease (Taco Gringo), Buffet City and Hickory River because without Michelle, those things will not be fun anymore. I will learn to knit or do something creative to fill my unhappy lunch hour until my heart doesn't hurt quite so much.

That might take a long, long time...